Erik Python and the Search for the Holy Manuscript
by Silvermasque
Summary: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? Beware! Erik, Raoul and Christine, Leroux, Webber and Kay all thrown into Monty Python randomness!
1. Chapter 1

**Erik Python and the Search for the Holy Manuscript**

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? Search for the Holy Grail told Phantom style…or is it Phantom told Python style? Either way expect madness

**The Cast**  
God: Authoress (Yep, it's me again!)  
Arthur: Leroux Erik  
Patsy: Christie  
Raoul: Black Knight  
Snooty French Knights: Firmin and Andre  
Sentries: Fops from Il Muto  
Prince Herbert: Carlotta  
King of Swamp Castle: Lefevre  
Castle Guards of Swamp Castle: Firmin and Andre  
Constitutional Peasants: Ballet Rats  
Sir Galahad: Gerik  
Sir Bedevere: Kay Erik  
Sir Lancelot: Andrew Lloyd Webber  
Sir Robin: Michael Crawford Erik  
Bridgeman: Mama Valerius  
Three headed knight: Emmy-Christine, Sarah-Christine, and Leroux-Christine  
Black Beast of Argh: Mary Sue  
Tim the Enchanter: Nadir  
Zoot and those of Castle Anthrax: Phangirls  
Brother Maynard: Mme Giry 

Hello and welcome! If you are a reader of any of my previous phics, I've no doubt you are already well assured of the full madness to which I am capable of. (Unless of course you restricted yourself to Midnight Suitor, which was serious) Any reader and sing-a-longer of Ode to Insanity, or Mirror Between Worlds come to think of it, will know my obsession for Monty Python and so here it is the Phantomised Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail! Now forever imprinted in your Cause For Insanity forms as Erik Python and the Search for the Holy Manuscript! (Of Don Juan Triumphant). Now let's get one thing straight before we begin, the Monty Python lads were a marvellous but few bunch, and while I have a little more scope with combining two books, a play and a movie together, there will still be some doubling up of the characters, so bear with me and let the madness begin!

It also helps if you have a passing knowledge of Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail…actually you might just want to rewatch it before reading this. And while I solemnly swear the rest will NOT be in script form, there was kind of no other way to begin the opening credits

OK, _Now_ we can start

**_Chapter one Crazy Subtitles _**

**Blah, blah, blah something, something crazy crackers Erik is sexy cloaks so on and so forth many important looking names  
**Røten nik Akten Di

**With more important names  
****Champion Cookie Baker – naomipoe  
****Commodore of the DBCA – Cap'n Meg  
****Random tuneless song soundtrack manager – MasqueradingThroughLife  
**Wik

**Also with more important names  
****Best Phantom/phangirl crossover story on the site – Misty Breyer Phantom Companions  
****Random pregnant self-insertion as Authoress – trisana  
****Unmarried shade of dark tone – Miss Black Shadow  
**Alsø wik

**And as well as more unimportant names  
****The Bug Eyed Fish – Christine  
****The Girly Man - Raoul  
**Alsø alsø wik

**Important names of no real importance  
****Other Queen of the DBCA – deltaevenstar  
****Winner of Australian Idol 2005 – Who the hell gives a damn?  
****If you look for it – There are a lot of slash lines in Half Blood Prince  
**Wi nøt trei a høliday in Paris this yër?

**Random credits Crazy chicken dancer – Shicklebeez  
****Fred and George (and Peeves) – The only reason to read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  
****Half Blood Prince – Read like a fanfic (it so did! Don't deny it!)  
**See the løveli lakes (Even though there's no lakes in Paris…I think)

**Words and names  
****Erik – Phantom  
****Raoul- Fop  
****Christine – Huh?  
**The wøndërful telephøne system (Or you can pass notes, usually works quite well)

**Names and People  
Babylon 5 – Is full of snarky conversations and conspiracies  
Best EC phics – The Last First Kiss, A Paradox of Choice,and The Rose and the Nightingale**  
**Where in the world is Nadir Khan? – In Carmen San Diego  
**And mäny interesting furry animals (Like the horses stolen from the stables that are supposed to be _white_ though Erik looks better with black)

**More names  
DBCA: Don't stalk us…we'll stalk you**  
**Hello my name is E.B.C. I'm from the D.B.C.A. How may I help you?  
****Snape's Diary on the DBCA (and soon to come to this site) – Is the funniest diary you will ever read  
**Including the majestik toads (Coo-ak!)

**Names, Names, Names  
****PJBG – Phantom'sJediBandieGirl  
****Best reason for Erik's name – Kudokadvach, Harem  
****The Butler did it! – Gerard Butler  
**A tøad once croaked my sister...

**Names, places, cloak swirlers  
****Hermione Granger and Severus Snape – Believe it! A girl does need intelligence in her life (besides, there's only a 20 year age difference, and hands up who drools over Johnny Depp still?)  
****Harry Potter – is a Mary Sue  
****A Mary Sue – Is a freak  
****Severus Snape – Is not evil. If he hadn't killed Dumbledore he would have died thanks to the Unbreakable Vow, and Snape had reasons to stay alive, whatever they may be, that I doubt were for the services of the Dark Lord (of Mordor).  
****There were two lines cut from the Australian release of Half Blood Prince and probably the American version as well (though you guys ended up with Sorcerer's Stone instead of Philosopher's Stone) that Dumbledore said to Draco that made the whole thing make more sense!  
**No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the tøad with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law -an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...

**(Screen screeches to a halt half way through "Why Slash should not be allowed between Erik and Raoul)  
**We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.

**(Screen continues) Darth Vader…He only ever wanted to be loved  
**Mynd you, tøad croaks Kan be pretty nasti...

**(Screen stops again half way down a picture of Gerard Butler –screams of protest are heard from rabid phans-)  
**We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.

**Tøad Trained by YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA  
****Special Tøad Effects OLAF PROT  
****Tøad Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILL  
****Tøad choreographed by HORST PROT III  
****Miss Taylor's Tøads by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME  
****Tøad trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG  
****Tøads noses wiped by BJØRN IRKESTØM-SLATER WALKER  
****Large Tøad on the left hand side of the screen in the third scene from the ****end, given a thorough grounding in Latin, French and 'O' Level Geography by BO BENN  
****Suggestive poses for the Toad suggested by VIC ROTTER  
****Croaking-care by LIV THATCHER  
**The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked.  
The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute

**(Crazy colours and Mexican music while Gerard Butler does a striptease to the Mexican Hat dance…now there's an odd mental image)**

Fin Chapter One (I did it? Huh.)

More to come!


	2. Migrating Coconuts

**Chapter 2 Migrating Coconuts** (My favourite scene of the movie...though I think the Constitutional Peasants comes first weh I look at what I wrote)

**Review Replies (I cant belive I got so many already! You guys are fantastic!)**

**Cap'n Meg:** The wierd spellings are what appears on the screen version, I thought I really should have kept them so I did! (huggles back)

**Reltistic:** Possible? Well I guess we'll find out!

**Erik's Vampire:** Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely adore your name? Its something so in tune with my fetishes (that sounded scary) Yay!

**cookies-will-invade:** Gasp! You're one of my Heroes! I loved Meow! Why do you never continue? Of course you can be in Castle Anthrax, would you like to be Zoot? Ha! My old English teacher said one day about how she was emergerncy teaching and one of the boys up the back whispered "One Day Lad, all this will be yours" so she turned around and said "What? the Curtains?" Hugely amusing!

**daughterofdarkness87:** Dont worry, I wont!

**Silent Phantasy:** Mm...brownies thankyou! What the hell, Squee anyway!

**invaderoperaghost:** Thanks!

**phantomofleopera**: Isnt it Mooses? Oh well, thanks!

**PhantomFreak07:** Vegemite is the food of the Gods! It's black tarlike salty spread you put on toast or crackers or sandwiches and it has a cool theme...song...oh dear, Erik's just hit me over the head for another themesong parody. it's really strong, an aquired taste really and an aussie icon, I'm addicted. And I'm fighting a block on Mirror at the moment (Gar!)

**Erik for President:** Indeed! Gasp! How did you know I always say bloody?

**PhantomsJediBandieGirl:** Yeah, me either (once I figure out how to write it) Coconuts away!Come Patsy!

**Queenofinsanity:** Yay! Tell me when it's up and I shall read nothing is moe random than Monty Python

**England…or France…I guess it doesn't matter that much…Hell let's just make it Persia**

**932 A.D.**

A dark and dismal landscape, scattered with rotting corpses and remnants of battle…over the misty hillside the faint clopping of an approaching horseman is heard, a lone, cloaked (remember the cloak, very important) and masked "rider" followed by a "packhorse" with big blue eyes and blonde curly hair, who stares around at everything with a blank expression, following her master blindly, clapping the halves of two coconuts together. (Clop-clop clop-clop)

Together they reach the wall of a great castle, King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur holds up his hand, "Whoa there!" the blonde blue eyed pack horse clops and prances to a halt as King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur looks commandingly up at the castle wall.

Aguard who looks suspiciously like the yellow dressed fop from Il Muto (the jeweller) peers over the battlements and spies King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur.

"Halt!" he cries, "Who goes there?"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur draws himself up proudly to reply, "It is I, King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, or...well...he's never really quite named, from the castle of Garnier. Phantom of the Opera's, defeater of the Fops, sovereign of all Music!"

The fop-guard stares down at him for a moment, "Pull the other one!"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur looks insulted by this doubt of his rank, "I am. And this is my trusty servant Christie. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Garnier. I must speak with your lord and master.

The fop-guard blinks and stares at them, "What, ridden on a horse?"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur looks at the fop-guard as if he's mad to doubt him, "Yes!" Christie is still staring blankly at the sky.

Unfortunately the fop-guard doesn't exactly believe them, "You're using coconuts!" he cries.

"What?"

The fop-guard looks pointedly at Christie's hands clutching two halves of a coconut, "You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together."

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur doesn't seem all that disturbed by the fact, "So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Sweden, through-" he attempts to go further but the fop-guard cuts him off.

"Where'd you get the coconut?" he demands

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur wondering why the idiot needs to ask replies "We found them."

"Found them?" the fop-guard questions "In Sweden? The coconut's tropical!"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur is starting to get irritated, as well as confused as to the origins of his coconut, "What do you mean?"

The fop-guard attempts to explain the situation, "Well, this is a temperate zone." He says. King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur looks at him as though he's insane, having already reasoned all this out, "The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land?"

Now it's the fop-guard's turn to stare (again) "Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur is willing to be perfectly reasonably about this, despite the delay in reaching the castle's master, "Not at all," he replies "They could be carried."

"What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?" the fop-guard asks in disbelief.

"It could grip it by the husk!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur points out, Christie is still staring blankly.

"It's not a question of where he grips it!" the fop-guard argues "It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut!"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur is getting bored with the situation, "Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur from the Court of Garnier is here."

The fop-guard isn't willing to give up without a fight however, "Listen," he says "In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?"

"Please!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur begs.

"Am I right?" the fop-guard demands.

"I'm not interested!" the plaintive reply is called back

A second fop-guard, the purple dressed one this time, looks over from his post and decides to join the conversation, "It could be carried by an African swallow!"

"Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe," the yellow fop-guard agrees, "But not a European swallow, that's my point."

"Oh, yeah, I agree with that..." the purple fop-guard well...agrees

"Look, will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Garnier!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur shouts, but he is ignored in favour of the swallow-coconut debate.

"But then of course African swallows are not migratory." The first fop-guard points out.

"Oh, yeah..."

"So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway..." both guards ponder for a moment, then the purple fop-guard speaks up with a brainwave! "Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?" he asks

"No," the first fop-guard dismisses the idea, "They'd have to have it on a line."

"Well, simple!" the second fop-guard replies "They'd just use a strand of creeper!"

"What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?" the yellow fop queries.

"Well, why not?"

King-Erik-Arthur sighs and rolls his eyes, "Come Christine" they trot off together.

_End Scene 2. I don't think I'll be putting in the animations I'm sorry, but I just couldn't write them. Stick around for more soon!_


	3. Bring Out Your Dead

**Chapter 3 Bring Out Your Dead**

Guess what I got! The Spamalot Stage Show Soundtrack! (haven't seen the show, couldn't, but I love the music especially the Song that goes like This and All for One)

**Review Replies: You lot are incredible, you know that?**

**Fantome de l'Opera:** Have fun and congrats! Gerry I dont give a damn if you feel violated, this is my phic and you are NOT my muse so nya! (And happy birthday) Oh! I love Reeses! Cant get them here though

**PJBG:** Awesome Idea! Thanks! Hmm...off to plot

**Miss Black Shadow:** I saw your sister joined, hows the phic going?

**Sailor Earth Selestina118:** African swallows are indeed the best, heheh, good old Gerik.

**The Next Christine:** Thanks for the muffin, I needed a new door jamb (I wont say what i did with the kisses and huggles) We shall be friends! Randomness is the best kind of fun (right up there with klutziness) I'll read your story...soon I hate working this week! 3 days to Graduation!

**Octopus Knight:** You silly aquatic Kannnigget! Ok, sorry, YES there were lines missing! My friend read them to me there was one about DD saying to Draco "Thay would never expect you to succeed" and something else about "Your father is safe in prison we can keep your mother safe too" or some such thing How unfair is that! Coconuts!

**Erik's Vampire:** Me too its my favourite!

**Cap'n Meg**: I get talent from...actually I have no idea where it springs from, but i think it's like my songphics, if I get a line and suddenly parodize it, then I work on the rest of the song, much like this.

**Queenofinsanity:** I dont think anyone ever really knows the point

**invaderoperaghost:** Thanks! It's fun to write!

**Erik for President:** What about a Phan who says Squee!

**Mominator:** Either can I

**cookies-will-invade:** (calls an ambulance for small alien toy) Migrating Plumber...oops, I think next time I join something I'll call myself Migrating Coconuts, i just adore the line "Are you suggesting coconts migrate?"

**Reltistic:** Youve never seen MP? My god! You either love it or hate it but there are so many in jokes, once you see it you'll understand

Philippe de Chagny trundles his cart along a dirty muddy street, clanging on a uh...clanger, "Bring out your dead!" he cries. "Bring out your dead!"

This goes on for a little while as he wanders up the street, random people are coughing or laying out relatives or simply going about their business.

"clang Bring out your dead!

clang Bring out your dead!

clang Bring out your dead!

clang Bring out your dead!"

Erik (let's say it's the Hugh Parano Erik) appears, an old stick of a man over his shoulder "Here's one" he holds out a hand of coins to Philippe "Nine pence." Suddenly the old man over Hugh-Parano-Erik's shoulder looks up, "I'm not dead!"

Philippe stares at the old man who as it turns out is the not quite strangled Joseph Buquet.

"What?" he asks in surprise

Hugh-Parano-Erik tries to act like everything is normal "Nothing" he says hastily, "Here's your nine pence."

"I'm not dead!" Joseph Buquet protests.

"Here" Philippe glares at Hugh-Parano-Erik, "He says he's not dead!"

"Yes, he is."

"I'm not!" the stagehand wailed, throwing his arms around and kicking his legs

"He isn't." Philippe realised.

"Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. I just strangled him with my Punjab lasso

"I'm getting better!"

"No, you're not," Hugh-Parano-Erik told him derisively "You'll be stone dead in a moment."

"Oh, I can't take him like that," Phillipe looks rather regretful but is determined to do his job, "It's against regulations."

"I don't want to go on the cart!" Joseph Buquet cries.

"Oh, don't be such a baby." Hugh-Parano-Erik threw back over his shoulder.

"I can't take him..." Phillipe sighs with sympathy

"I feel fine!"

"Oh, do us a favour..." Hugh-Parano-Erik begs

"I can't." Phillipe spreads his hands helplessly

"Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes?" Hugh-Parano-Erik asks, "He won't be long."

"Naaah," Philippe disagrees, "I got to go on to Robinson's -- they've lost nine from the flies to the stage today."

"Well, when is your next performance?" Hugh-Parano-Erik sighs in regret.

"Thursday." Philippe answers curtly, looking at the pile on his cart.

"I think I'll go for a walk." Buquet says happily, looking around with bright eyes.

"You're not fooling anyone y'know." Hugh-Parano-Erik tells him, "I strangled you fair and square," he turns to Philippe in despair, "Look, isn't there something you can do?" Philippe hesitates.

"I feel happy... I feel happy." Joseph Buquet sings, and both men shudder, Hugh-Parano-Erik looks at Philippe in desperation and the older de Chagny brother nods, walking around the Phantom and whops Buquet on the head, the stagehand falls limp.

"Ah, thanks very much." Hugh-Parano-Erik grins behind his mask, tossing the inert body onto the cart.

"Not at all." Philippe nods and picks up the cart handles, "See you on Thursday."

"Right." The two men bow and take their leave as King-Leroux-Erik-Arthur clops past with Christie, both men stare in awe as he goes past.

"Who's that then?" Philippe asks.

Hugh-Parano-Erik shrugs delicately, relived to have gotten rid of his burden "I don't know."

The Manager frowns slightly, watching the coconut parade go past, "Must be a king."

Now it was Hug-Parano-Erik's turn to frown "Why?"

"He hasn't got shit all over him."

Next Chapter...The Constitutional Ballet Rats! (runs off singing "No he's not dead yet"


	4. Constitutional Ballet Rats

_**Chapter 4 Constitutional Ballet Rats**_

My favourite so far, I just love Dennis! And the 37 joke (I'm not old!)

**Erik's Vampire:** No I havent! I dont think it's even been performed here yet...wait it might have been but I missed it (missed Queen and the Producers too! Grr!) I actually have never seen Hugh Parano, but I knew he'd played Erik so I just pulled him out.

**Phantom'sJediBandieGirl:** I Love John Cleese, he's brilliant, i'm trying to Phantomize the jokes, it's hard for some bits but I am trying (I need to watch the movie again but I loaned it to my friend)

**Reltistic:** I love your songs! They are brilliant truly! I am just a lazy idiot who is overworked. Eep! I'm gonna be late!

**cookies-will-invade:** I just read Phantom when Christine gets jealous of Ayesha and it so reminded me of your phic! Yes, still desperate to see it though Tim Curry will always be Long John Silver from Muppet Treasure Island to me (used to have the hugest crush on him in that) All for one Slightly less for people we dont like and a little bit more for me...

**Vanessa:** I miss Reeses! I was the only person in my family who ate them, tell Gerry he'll get over it, just wait till we get to Castle Anthrax

**Erik for President**: You shall be the head keeper of the sacred words Squee! Gerry and Squee-glomp!

**The Next Christine:** I'm so klutzy I fell of a Merry go round. How do you fall off a merrygoround?

**Cap'n Meg:** That sounds like a very successful car ride, Erik would be proud, I certainly am!

**Mominator:** Fop fop fop fop girlyman fop! Girly Man fop! Does that work?

**Octopus Knight:** I do love your name, it's just damn cool! Yes they are the peasants, as you will soon find out...

* * *

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur sees a lone figure dragging a cart as he and Christie clop along the road, "Old woman!"

"Rat!" the harsh cry is thrown back at the royal parade.

"Rat, sorry." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur apologizes, "What knight lives in that castle over there?"

"I'm thirty-seven." The insulted reply is tossed back over one rag clad shoulder.

"What?" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur asks in puzzlement.

"I'm thirty-seven" the pile of rags protests, "I'm not old!"

"Well, I can't just call you Rat'." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur argues.

"Well, you could say Meg'." Meg snaps

"Well, I didn't know you were called Meg.'" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur protests his innocence.

"Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?" Meg snipes in reply

"I did say sorry about the old woman,' but from the behind you looked-"

Meg drops her cart and turns on the cloaked king, "What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!" she howls.

"Well, I AM Phantom..." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur trails off proudly.

"Oh Phantom, eh, very nice." Meg replies in a tone dripping with sarcasm "An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the managers -- by 'angin' on to our outdated imperialist dogma and strangling anyone who gets in your way, which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress-"

Little Jammes looks up from her seat down by the side of the road, "Meg! There's some lovely filth down here." She spies King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur, "Oh – how d'you do?"

"How do you do, good lady." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur acknowledges her, "I am King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur, Phantom of the Opera's. Whose castle is that?"

Little Jammes stares, "Phantom of the who?"

"The Opera's." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur replies in a tone that says _duh, how can you not know?_

"Who are the Opera's?" Little Jammes asks

"Well, we all are." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur raises an encompassing arm, "We're all Opera's and I am your Phantom."

"I didn't know we had a Phantom." Little Jammes states, "I thought we were an autonomous collective."

"You're fooling yourself." Meg sits beside her and starts sorting through filth, "We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the dancing classes—"

"Oh there you go," Little Jammes rolls her eyes, "Bringing class into it again."

"That's what it's all about" Meg argues, "if only people would—"

"Please, please good people. I am in haste." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur interrupts, "Who lives in that castle?"

"No one live there." Little Jammes sniffs disdainfully,

"Then who is your Ghost?" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur demands

"We don't have a Ghost." Little Jammes shrugs

"What?"

"I told you." Meg reminds him, "We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the masses,"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur nods in understanding, wishing to hurry this along, "Yes."

Meg continues, "But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting."

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur does the impatient I-need-to-keep-moving-will-you-hurry-up-where's-the-bathroom jig, "Yes, I see."

Meg ignores this hastening, enjoying her power of speech, "By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,"

"Be quiet!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur has had enough, but Meg keeps going,

"-but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more-"

"Be quiet!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur roars, "I order you to be quiet!"

Little Jammes looks up from her mud, "Order, eh?" she asks, "who does he think he is?"

"I am your Phantom!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur practically cries.

"Well, I didn't vote for you." Little Jammes shrugs and turns back to her mud.

"You don't vote for Ghosts." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur snorts derisively.

"Well, 'ow did you become Phantom then?" Little Jammes asks

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur straightens proudly, and raises an arm, "The Nightingale of the Rose, (angels sing) it's wing clad in the purest shimmering feathers, held aloft a musical score from the bosom of the rose petals signifying by Divine Providence that I, King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur, was to sing Music of the Night. (singing stops) That is why I am your Phantom!"

"Listen" Meg begins in a lecturing tone, "Strange birds bleeding on flowers distributing show tunes is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical harmonious ceremony."

"Be quiet!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur snaps,

"Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some bloody hen threw a song at you!" Meg protests,

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur starts to turn red beneath his mask, "Shut up!"

Meg ignores him and continues, "I mean, if I went around sayin' I was a Phantom just because some wounded canary had lobbed a composition at me they'd put me away!"

"Shut up!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur shouts, he reaches down and hauls up the unfortunate Meg and begins to shake her, "Will you shut up!"

"Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system." Meg cries triumphantly,

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur gets violent, "Shut up!"

"Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!" Meg wails and thrashes, "HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!"

"Bloody Ballet Rat!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur growls, pushing the unfortunate Meg away.

"Oh, what a give away." She cries to other rats that are coming up to help her, "Did you hear that, did you hear that, eh?" she demands, "That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?"

* * *

Help Help I'm being repressed! Review please? Come on! I need the inspiration 


End file.
